Can't Afford To Stay

Can’t Afford to Stay

Baby, it seems like this is the end of the road for us, I swear I don’t want it to be,
But I feel like there’s nothing else to do but move one and let go of you and me.
I’ve done all that I can do and you’ve said everything that u could say
And as much as its gone costs me to leave, I just can’t afford to stay.

The kids, the house and all that we’ve built aint enuf to make it last,
Were drifting around this empty, emotionless relationship waiting on the inevitable to pass
You’re hating me more and more each day and at the same time I’m resenting you.
Believe me, on all that I love, I wish there something more that we could do.
Some days I look at you and wonder what happened to the tender girl that I knew.
And what has become of the kind man that once fell in love with you.
I look into your eyes, hoping I could make it better knowin that I can’t
And it tears me up inside cuz im feelin like half a man
Nothing else to do, nothing else to say
As much as it costs to leave, I just can’t afford to stay

People see us in the streets, our fake smiles, not knowing when we go home
We are sleeping in separate rooms, quiet and alone
Divorce was never an option. Splitting up was never supposed to be.
That was the path for everyone else…unheard of for you and me.
Remember, we were supposed to talk about everything, we were supposed to work it out.
We said that we’d bend over backwards and compromise without a doubt.
We made promises to GOD that we would live and love through him
and that we’d keep our relationship private and not let anyone in.
Where did we go wrong? How did we go astray?
It costs too much to leave, but baby I can’t afford to stay.

You started listening to your friends, I started hangin with the guys.
Me, drinkin my pain away, while you were living with the lies.
When I looked into your eyes, I thought we had it all.
If love was a height, we were more than ten feet tall
The arguments, the cursing and the fighting, when did it all begin
How did this nightmare become the ending to an endless end
I said I’d never yell. You started to scream. Somehow we lost that fight to get thru anything
Now you hangin out all late….cell phone starting to buzz
Trying to avoid the questions about u being on the scene wit cuz
I can’t be mad at u baby, I know that I’m not there, I wish I could reverse the pain and tears we both share
Nothing left to do. even less to say.
It cost me so much to leave, but I just can’t afford to stay.

I hear you on the phone wit yo girls, tellin em “he aint shit”.
And that u’ll be glad that this is done, glad to get it over wit.
I tried to be ur superman, I never meant to bring you pain.
We were supposed to rule the world, me and my Lois lane
If I could turn back the time I would. Reverse the sadness and tears
I’d give you back the time we lost. Ever second of ever year.
Hug me one last time. Fight the tears. I can’t stand to see you that way.
It’s time for us to separate cuz I can’t afford to stay.

The Ugly Phase

About once every few months, I decide to try to let my hair grow out, just to try something different. Sometimes I get tired of the same look, the typical dark ceasar.
And each time I journey into the hair unknown, I have to say to myself, be patient...don't cut it off. A few weeks may go by,where if I'm lucky I'll just get an edge up and feel some sort of success. But then, my hair will get to the point where the edge up doesn't really save it. It doesn't take the eyes off of the fact that my hair has become fuzzy in the back and no matter how often I brush it, it won't lay flat. This is the beginning of what we call "the ugly phase". The ugly phase is the accepted transition that must take place during hair growth. Your hair will get to a stage where its not short enough to manage, yet not long enough to do what the end result is requiring it to do. Its ugly. Plain and simple.
And u have to accept it and still continue to groom it, knowing that the only way to get it where u ultimately want it to go is to give it the attention that it deserves, no matter how it looks. U have to he patient with it. U must accept it for what is. And when people ask you about it, you have to be able to just say, "I'm letting it grow. This is not the end result. Check back with me in 3 months and it'll look great."
Eventually with consistent washing and conditioning and grooming, your hair will indeed grow faster and faster, to eventually grow long enough to where you can style it, cut it, braid it or curl it to your liking. Many people want to achieve the long, full hair result, but not many are patient enough to go through the ugly phase, in order to get where they really want to be.
So, just like most people, I always end up cutting my hair, right when it gets to the ugly stage because it is not what I envisioned, nor does it look good.

In saying all that, this is how so many of us treat our relationships. We give up when they get to the ugly phase. In the beginning, when things are manageable and problems are small, things are great, comprimising is not an issue and we are just so much in love. Then, as time goes on, the infatuation has died, the passion isn't what it once was, the dirty clothes begin to pile up, and all of a sudden, comprimise is a little slower and understanding is just a punchline.
We lose sight of the end result for the current state, the ugly phase. We go from, till death do us part, to just let me get thru today. We've been warned and we know full well that storms will come and that relationships don't have a blueprint.
u have two constantly growing people trying to grow as one. Its not meant to be easy! The ugly phase is a necessary transition in a relationship, just as with hair growth. If u want a fuller, healthier, longer relationship that is worthy of admiration, u have to accept the ugly phase for what it is...a necessary transition to where you want to be. Embrace the ugly stage, make fun of it, allow it to grow widly, and teach you how to manage the unknown. In doing so, u'll appreciate the end result of a fulfilling relationship.
So if u encounter someone all up in your business, questioning "why r u with him, or why r u with her", answer, were going thru the ugly phase. Check back with us in 12 months.

Negroes Still Achieving

Negroes Still Achieving

Is your motivation to make a dollar or to make a difference?
Are you sacrificing to make a statement or just sliding by to remain an inference?
Far too often in these times we look through the forest for the trees,
losing focus by what we can become, rather than living by what we truly believe.
You can spend a lifetime on this earth and not amount to one thing….understanding the difference
between accomplishing a dream or just copping’ some bling.
Negroes still achieving is about enhancing the circumstance of others by what you do, realizing that the benefit of your labor is bestowed up them, not wasted on you.
Negroes still achieving is about a passion to advance.
The foresight of the blind but faithful, to claim the future and not leaving it to chance.
All that remains is yet, but a mystery.
The Negroes who gave their lifetime for achievement have become celebrated Black History.

Becomming Transparent

There's absolutely nothing worse than having someone politely tell u, that despite what u thought, your shit does indeed stink. If that doesn't send u thru a period of self realization, nothing else will. It made me realize, among other things, that my intentions as well as my actions are clandestine to everyone else except me. Admittedly, I try to keep things where I can control them, but from my perspective, I've always kept my motives and my actions pretty clear. Or so I thought until now. I've been made aware that only I know what I'm thinking and where I'm going...regardless of my intent to include others. This realization left me speechless and it took someone to look me in the eye and blatantly express to me what I thought was a gross misunderstaning. However in their eyes, it was clear that I was going left, where in my eyes, I'm going right. If the perception is so askew from reality, I have to take the responsibility upon myself and change it. So, this phase of my life is called..."Transparent". Not in the sense that people can see thru me, but rather getting to a point where people aren't hoodwinked with respect to my intentions. I no longer will strive to keep everything on a need to know basis in hopes that I will be understood at a greater level. I know what I'm doing and where I'm going and what my intentions are.moving forward, my goal is for u 2 know as well.(As it pertains to u)
Becomming Transparent!


As always, feedback is greatly appreciated. Thanks for following my blog. Stay tuned!
Peace,

Ramont

The Facebook Epiphany

Today I finally just took about an hour of my day to navigate facebook. Everyone tells me how "fun" it is and that i'll get addicted to it. Well, after about 30 mins, i determined that not only will i not get hooked, but also why i'm one of the last people on earth to sign up. Because to enjoy facebook, two things have to be somewhat true: 1. you have to have an interest in what other people are doing and 2. you are comfortable with people knowing what you are doing. It dawned on me that neither was true for me. I really didn't care what people were doing or thinking, nor did i want to share what i was doing or thinking. i think anyone who knows me can agree that i'm pretty consistent with that. (no applause)
but then, the last 30 mins, something happened that gave me an epiphany or at least some self realization. as i looked at people's photos i began to smile because i was happy that some of my old associates/friends had gotten married, had children, bought homes and had done some amazing things that they were proud of. then a sadness came over me. i looked at my profile and it hit me....if pictures are worth a thousand words, my picture says....NOTHING. everyone else has hundreds of photos of themselves, at parties, with friends, families, etc...or just silly little pictures with a camera phone. those pictures say, "fulfilled, happy, funny, love, parenthood, wild, LIFE".
i realized that i have one photo...where i am not smiling, as usual...stalephacing the camera. i can recall thinking, "take the damn picture" when i took it. but more so was the lack of photos, which is to say that i don't have any party pics, friend pics, fulfilled pics, funny, loving, parenthood or wild pics. NOTHING. i'm there on my island like as i so often feel. i got sad because it was then that i realized how isolated i've become and how much LIFE i've let pass me by trying to conquer mount Everest in a day. i joke with people that i'm an "island of self"...but there's so much truth in a joke. and quite honestly, its not a joke anymore. its all truth. i work alone in my home office. i go running alone...just me and my headphones. i eat alone, most times at a bar or restaurant watching espn. i can go places with a group..and i'll drive alone because i want to leave when i'm ready. i'm joking, but quite honestly, if i died in my apartment, it would probably take a few weeks before anyone knew about it cuz only a handful of people even know where i live.
A friend of mine told me once, "you deal with people when you get ready. you call when u want to. but if u don't want to, people don't hear from you for months." that just hit home right now because its true. i've spent so much time trying to accomplish my individual goals that i've closed everything and everyone off and pushed them far away. not intentionally, but that's the reality of it. Can a person have so much focus that he looses sight of what's really important? If family, friends and fun are important to successful life..i'd consider my life a bust. I see my parents once a year...and even then i bitch about buying a plane ticket. and really, my mother has to talk me into each year. Of all of my accomplishments, there are not many people who are aware of them nor have I involved anyone in my success. I just put it to the side and move on to the next project. What's the use of finding success if no one is there to share it with you? That question is really swirling around in my head right now. Sadly, i'm approaching my 34th birthday with no plans to celebrate. I recently had a 3 year anniversary for my Salon and didn't even tell anyone, nor did i even pat myself on the back. I bought my first house...didn't tell anyone, didn't take any pictures. I published a book...not a word. Just moved on to the next mountain.
Looking at facebook made me realize all of these things and i'll tell you, it made me quite sad. It made me wonder what did i experience that made me this way...to where i just shut the world out and used it only as i needed it, with no reciprocity. i've become so guarded with my personality and image that i let people see only what i want them to see and it keeps everything at a distance.


This next phase of my life is called, "Happiness". Time to crack the window and let the world in.

Happy Mother's Day!

Man, it's been a minute since i've blogged,sheesh! and it hasn't been because i haven't had anything to talk about, but rather i've just been busy as hell trying to do a million things in one lifetime. However, i'd be remist if i didn't take this opportunity, on this day to honor Mother's Day and just to reflect on how important my mother has been to me. Just like every other person who has ever needed a band-aid, some candy, lunch money, jordans...wait, moms NEVER copped me any J's..but i won't put her on blast for the pro-wings.....anyway, just like everyone else who's ever taken for granted all the things that mom has to endure, overcome, sacrifice and bear the burdens of, I am so indebted to my mom for the things that she never gave me. yeah, i said it right. of course, she gave me unconditional love and all the things that a mother without the "how to raise a child" book would give. but the things that she didn't give me really helped me become the man that i am today. She didn't give me any name brand clothes. She used to always say, "i'm not puttin anybody's name on your behind". yo, i thought that was the illest cop out i'd ever heard! she'd be like, "why put someone elses name on your behind. put your own name on your clothes. now, of course i didn't get it at the time, but what that taught me was that i didn't have to dress like everyone else or have the trendy fashions to look nice. and now that i can afford to buy that stuff, i don't. cuz i really don't want to see someone's name all over my clothes! she never bought me shoes when i wanted them, but rather when she felt i needed them. it sucked, but it taught me to take care of what i have because i never know when you'll get something else. to this day, i still clean my forces with bleach and wash my strings. she never gave me credit for things that i was supposed to do. when a lot of kids would get mcdonals for getting A's on their report card or money for doing chores, she'd say, "this is what i expect of you. this is not extra. i'm not rewarding what you are supposed to do". that tought me the value of hard work and how to work with out expecting recongition from anyone else. when i'm working, its because i do what i have to do in order to do what i want to do..not for the pleasure of anyone else. my moms never gave me any sympathy when we didn't have money or food or when our lights went out. instead, she gave me the courage to overcome ANY obstacle in life. she never gave me the opportunity to disrespect her or any other female. before i could even talk, she would say, "if u ever think of hitting me or cursing me, i'll hit u upside your head with this skillet"! and trust me, she repeated that twice a week with the same passion every year until i moved out. there was simply one rule...THIS IS MY HOUSE. IF YOU DONT LIKE IT...LEAVE! that lesson, taught me humility and respect for all women. because as many times as i thoughy my moms was wrong, or what she said may have been ill, or if she deserved a stalephace...i never got out of line with her or any with any other woman out of respect for my mother. she never gave me the chance to be irresponsible or not to be held accountable for my actions. everything i did had a consequence and she made sure that you were aware of that. and when the consequence was bad she'd say, "just own it". that wasn't always easy..and it still isn't. but just owning it keeps me accountable today and if helps me keep others in my life accountable for what they do. moms would always say, "i'm not telling you what to do. i'm telling you what i'm going to do and give you the choice to deal with it or not deal with it." man, to a kid....that was way too much to handle..but it is so profound. she made u think u had a choice, but u really didn't. its like, i'm getting in the car and driving off...but u dont have to. another one of her famous quotes was, "if you gone do it...do it and dont bitch about it, or if you not gone do it, don't do it and don't bitch about it. either way, don't bitch about it." probably the most important thing she never gave me was an excuse! there have been so many things in my life that i know she would do differently, so many things that she wishes she could take back and so many opportunities that i didn't get because of circumstances....but never did she give ONE DAMN EXCUSE for any of the shortcomings that we experiences. those things along with the band-aids, the candy money,the rides to the skating rink and all the things that we think mothers are supposed to do have made me who I am today and i want to say Thank You mom for not giving me so much! Thanks for making me live it, earn it and own it!

To all of the other mothers in my life, i want to say happy mothers day to you. Grandma, Tee, Shirlethia, Nee-Nee, Trecie, Tamika, Lisa, Val, Shiela, Tony, Inez, Joy, Janet, Nita, Grandma Jackson, Faye, Alanna (thank u), Mrs. Rosie, Nita, April, Ashley, Co-Co, Missy, Bettina, Shonda, Shawn, Cynthia, Myriam, Felicia, Carol, Ebony R.(soon to be), Shay, Ashlee Poo...All the women and single mothers who take their son's to get a hair cut.

Happy Mother's Day

Peace,

Ramont.

Hunger and Humility

Firstly, before i get to ""hunger and humility", i want to touch base on my last blog, "let's stay together". i got a few hits/phone calls from the female gender, as some misunderstood my interpretation of "submit". now, i acknowledge that i knew that topic and that word specifically would draw a lot of conversation, but i want to make sure that i'm understood.
when i say, the woman must submit...i do not mean, as one of my good friends put it, "ironing a man's draws and cooking his food". nor do i mean, as my mom put it, "taking women back generations" by asking them to be docile, seen and not heard. No, this is not what i meant. I prefaced "women should submit" with "men must live by the word of GOD and carry out his will". what i'm saying is that, i understand that I (as a man) must be spiritually one with GOD and submit to GOD first, before I ask you to submit to me. As GOD spoke to Adam, he also gave him Eve. So of course, if i'm not doing what i need to do, i cannot expect you to. I'm not asking you to iron my draws and cook my food. i'm asking you to recognize that as we are equals, there is one head of household. there is one vision for the family. as one of my stylist put it, a man may drive you nuts and go around the block to accomplish his goals, when you thought he should have gone up the street...but as long as that man is steadfast in living a righteous life and taking the responsibility of taking care of he and his family, it is his partner's job not to display faith in his direction and support his plight. submit, as in...don't think you run shyt! submit as in, uplift him instead of opposing him all the time. submit, as in...you don't really want to change your own filters or carry that couch upstairs, so act like you got some sense.
ok, i'm done with that topic. if you dont feel me now, then we'll just agree to disagree.

now...."hunger and humility".
often i talk to people and they ask me what has lead me to the success i've had thus far in my life. they ask "when do you sleep?" "how do you have time to do so many things?" the same people who ask me about my success support my endeavors because they recognize my sincerity in the honorable projects that i undertake. two reasons why i find success...
hunger and humility.
firstly, my hunger is what continues to drive me to want to achieve more and more, despite having tasted a measure of success already. on Jay-z's Black Album, which in my opinion is one of the top 3 albums of all time...his last song " My last like my first", had a clip of B.I.G talking about how diddy schooled him to the game. B.I.G said, "like my man puff say, treat every album like its your first. he treated every project like he was an intern".
i listened to that song over and over and it became a mantra for me...treat my last like my first. that says, keep the same hunger throughout your career. often we taste success and our bellies become full. we loose the eye of the tiger like rocky balboa did when Mr. T knocked him out cold. we get comfortable in our success. we think we've made it. and as like to say, we get cute! that hunger is what gets us out of the hood. its what drives our creativity to become entrepreneurs. our hunger to upgrade our situation. this continued hunger separates good from great. it will be the reason you advance and the reason you fail. you have to remain hungry. even when things are going well for you...its ok to indulge in the fruits of your labor, but we can't lose the hunger.

the second reason is humility. humility is overlooked and underestimated. when we want people to support our endeavors, we must remain humble. it's not an option. we must first humble ourselves and recognize that without our supporters, even our greatest talents will go unseen or unheard or unnoticed. humility, sometimes more so than talent will help you develop and maintain supporters and followers. Humility is recognizing that when and if we are blessed to taste success, we share the credit to those who helped us. we continue to provide excellent services to those who were there for us as we struggled to get to where we are. in my line of business, i see a lot of people who lack humility. they forget that the same person who gave you their business, can just as easily give it to someone else. we take for granted that the once positive word of mouth, can turn negative and become a dagger in our business. humility is everything in business. it keeps you doing good business and not just trying to make a dollar. hell, i work for a man who in my opinion has no humility. in my opinion, he's forgotten what got him where he is and who supported him in his journey. i vow not to become him. yes, i do plan on growing and becoming even more successful, but i will not lose humility.


Treat your last like your first....STAY HUNGRY.

The same people you see on the way up are the same people you will see on the way down....STAY HUMBLE.